Real Housewives of Atlanta

October 25, 2010 episode
Yes, I watch this show. I'm not sure why, though. I didn't want to watch the first season, citing that I did not want to participate in promoting tomfoolery (look it up). But, It happened. And here I am, blogging about a reality TV show. Damn...
So, since this is my first recap/review, let me first start of by saying that I will be giving the "ladies" nicknames. These nicknames are subject to change, as the "ladies" are subject to do something so ridiculous that I must rename them. Since this is my first recap, I'll explain the nickname, if it's not too obvious. From that point on, that is how they will be referred to, the nickname.  Sooo, let's begin.


NeNe-"Captain Hook"
Ah, Captain Hook. Captain Hook gets her name because of her recent plastic surgery. Hook noses don't look good on Paris Hilton, and it certainly does not help Captain Hook in the attractiveness department.  In this episode, Captain Hook had her boobs, nose, and lipo done. Anyone that knows me, knows that I'm not against plastic surgery. However, if you are an ugly, hateful person on the inside, such as Captain Hook, then there is nothing you can do on the outside to make you a beautiful person. I may need to put that message in a bottle and throw it out to sea for the ole' Captain. Arrrgh.


The Captain really doesn't do much in the episode, other than what she does the best...Hate. She hates on Phaedra the most. This higher education, and attorney mess just irks the shit out of the Captain. The way she says "entertainment attorney" with such disgust make me laugh out loud. A hater at her finest. So, most of this episode was the Captain on the mend and side interviews. But, if I had to hear, in only a way that a hood grandma could say, "Where's Greeeegg?"....dang, he's at the strip club where he found you! Upgrade! Word of advice for Greeeeg: Stop trying to marry your momma.


Kim-"Wiggy"
I don't really need to explain this nickname. On a positive note, her wigs have gotten alot better this season. A lot. Last season, it looked like those wigs came right out of Halloween Express. In this episode, we get to meet the parents that raised Kim. I've never seen parents that have no problem that their daughter is money chasing a married man. I've seen "Big Poppa", and if you like 5'4 hairy dudes, "Big Poppa" is the way to go. There is no amount of money that would have me bedding a married, hairy little man. 


Wiggy and her parents are discussing baptizing one of Wiggy's daughters. It can't happen, because Wiggy hasn't attending or contributed to church in a while, so Wiggy's spawn can not be cleansed. Wiggy's parents actually suggest that Wiggy ask her married boyfriend to call some churches to pull some strings. Wooow...And Dad wants to swim at Big Poppa's fabulous pool. That made me speechless. More discussion is had; Wiggy's mom says that Wiggy chooses "fame over family", and Wiggy's dad says that she is a "class individual". Priceless.


Sheree-"Mush Mouth"
For obvious reasons. Subtitles are needed to understand half of what she says. Seriously. I can catch every other word. 


So, Mush Mouth is dating a fake doctor, though she doesn't know that. Note to Mush Mouth: Background checks.
Mush Mouth is on the prowl for a young tenderoni. One that has money. One that can truly "understand" her. And one with money. Did I mention that, because it is very important. Mush Mouth goes to her fake doctor's seminar on relationships. She walks in, looking like she crushed a steel pipe with one hand before entering, while the fake doctor is explaining about the roles of men and women in relationships. Very comical, and not in a good way. Mush Mouth is picked by the fake doctor to join a panel to talk about men. Why, I don't know. Mush Mouth does NOT like to speak in public. She goes on to expose herself for the gold digger she is, explaining that she, in so many words, could not date a man that worked at Payless because they would never meet (Payless man can't afford to be at the places Mush Mouth would be). Mush Mouth learned to let the man open the ketchup at the seminar. Stellar advice.


Phaedra-"Big Country"
Big Country is big pregnant, with big ass lips. She is a self-proclaimed southern belle, equestrian, and attorney of the stars. Captain Hook claims that the only star she has represented is Bobby Brown. Hater...


Big Country has something that I wish that I had. A gay boyfriend. She has Dwight. Now, Dwight is not the gay boyfriend that I would want, but he's a gay boyfriend, nonetheless, and I don't have one. I am taking applications, though.


Big Country is gaudy. I imagine her Christmas tree would be covered in Magnolias. She decided to throw herself a baby shower/ baby wedding. Big hats, ballet dancers, and a big ass, pregnant waltz with her gay boyfriend. I never saw her ex-con hubby. The housewives that attended were, Wiggy, WuWu (Lisa), Cynthia, and Kandi. Captain Hook, just gave her hater commentary. Kandi introduced me to a new word. Boucheghetto. Love it. It was obviously an over the top baby shower. No tasting the baby food, no wrapping the new mommy in toliet paper to guess how big  she is (she big...). It was just...wrong.


Cynthia-"GOB"
GOB means "Grey Old Balls". I call her that because that is what she sees on, at least, a daily basis. GOB's boyfriend is the one with the grey old balls, but I couldn't find a better nickname for GOB. Her nickname is definitely subject to change. 


I actually like GOB. She hasn't shown her crazy yet, so I can't really say much. GOB and her BF rode with Big Country and Dwight to an Equestrian event, where they got to wear big hats again. Big Country offends GOB's BF because Big Country claims she wants a "clean man", meaning, a man with no children. Now, a man with a prison record, that's another category. GOB's BF apparently has a mess of kids, therefore making him unclean. 


That's all I got.


Kandi-"Xscape"
Kandi is Xscape for her 90 R&B group. It was either that, or Just Kickin' It, but that shit is too long to write. So, it's Xscape.


I like Xscape, too. I fear that she is too nice, allowing Wiggy to take all the credit for "Tardy for the Party". Unacceptable. Xscape wants to go on a mini tour with the talentless Wiggy. WHY?! You could be spending that tour on a reunion of XSCAPE! Wiggy will not appreciate the opportunity, and Xscape will regret the offer. I know your tricks, Bravo.


Xscape was pretty low-key in this eppy. She is working on her new album, and she attended the baby/wedding shower. That was about it.






So, I'm done, and hot damn, that was a long recap. My next one shouldn't be too long, as I won't have to explain all of my nicknames for the housewives. 


Leave a comment! What are your nicknames for the "ladies"?