Real Housewives of Atlanta

October 25, 2010 episode
Yes, I watch this show. I'm not sure why, though. I didn't want to watch the first season, citing that I did not want to participate in promoting tomfoolery (look it up). But, It happened. And here I am, blogging about a reality TV show. Damn...
So, since this is my first recap/review, let me first start of by saying that I will be giving the "ladies" nicknames. These nicknames are subject to change, as the "ladies" are subject to do something so ridiculous that I must rename them. Since this is my first recap, I'll explain the nickname, if it's not too obvious. From that point on, that is how they will be referred to, the nickname.  Sooo, let's begin.


NeNe-"Captain Hook"
Ah, Captain Hook. Captain Hook gets her name because of her recent plastic surgery. Hook noses don't look good on Paris Hilton, and it certainly does not help Captain Hook in the attractiveness department.  In this episode, Captain Hook had her boobs, nose, and lipo done. Anyone that knows me, knows that I'm not against plastic surgery. However, if you are an ugly, hateful person on the inside, such as Captain Hook, then there is nothing you can do on the outside to make you a beautiful person. I may need to put that message in a bottle and throw it out to sea for the ole' Captain. Arrrgh.


The Captain really doesn't do much in the episode, other than what she does the best...Hate. She hates on Phaedra the most. This higher education, and attorney mess just irks the shit out of the Captain. The way she says "entertainment attorney" with such disgust make me laugh out loud. A hater at her finest. So, most of this episode was the Captain on the mend and side interviews. But, if I had to hear, in only a way that a hood grandma could say, "Where's Greeeegg?"....dang, he's at the strip club where he found you! Upgrade! Word of advice for Greeeeg: Stop trying to marry your momma.


Kim-"Wiggy"
I don't really need to explain this nickname. On a positive note, her wigs have gotten alot better this season. A lot. Last season, it looked like those wigs came right out of Halloween Express. In this episode, we get to meet the parents that raised Kim. I've never seen parents that have no problem that their daughter is money chasing a married man. I've seen "Big Poppa", and if you like 5'4 hairy dudes, "Big Poppa" is the way to go. There is no amount of money that would have me bedding a married, hairy little man. 


Wiggy and her parents are discussing baptizing one of Wiggy's daughters. It can't happen, because Wiggy hasn't attending or contributed to church in a while, so Wiggy's spawn can not be cleansed. Wiggy's parents actually suggest that Wiggy ask her married boyfriend to call some churches to pull some strings. Wooow...And Dad wants to swim at Big Poppa's fabulous pool. That made me speechless. More discussion is had; Wiggy's mom says that Wiggy chooses "fame over family", and Wiggy's dad says that she is a "class individual". Priceless.


Sheree-"Mush Mouth"
For obvious reasons. Subtitles are needed to understand half of what she says. Seriously. I can catch every other word. 


So, Mush Mouth is dating a fake doctor, though she doesn't know that. Note to Mush Mouth: Background checks.
Mush Mouth is on the prowl for a young tenderoni. One that has money. One that can truly "understand" her. And one with money. Did I mention that, because it is very important. Mush Mouth goes to her fake doctor's seminar on relationships. She walks in, looking like she crushed a steel pipe with one hand before entering, while the fake doctor is explaining about the roles of men and women in relationships. Very comical, and not in a good way. Mush Mouth is picked by the fake doctor to join a panel to talk about men. Why, I don't know. Mush Mouth does NOT like to speak in public. She goes on to expose herself for the gold digger she is, explaining that she, in so many words, could not date a man that worked at Payless because they would never meet (Payless man can't afford to be at the places Mush Mouth would be). Mush Mouth learned to let the man open the ketchup at the seminar. Stellar advice.


Phaedra-"Big Country"
Big Country is big pregnant, with big ass lips. She is a self-proclaimed southern belle, equestrian, and attorney of the stars. Captain Hook claims that the only star she has represented is Bobby Brown. Hater...


Big Country has something that I wish that I had. A gay boyfriend. She has Dwight. Now, Dwight is not the gay boyfriend that I would want, but he's a gay boyfriend, nonetheless, and I don't have one. I am taking applications, though.


Big Country is gaudy. I imagine her Christmas tree would be covered in Magnolias. She decided to throw herself a baby shower/ baby wedding. Big hats, ballet dancers, and a big ass, pregnant waltz with her gay boyfriend. I never saw her ex-con hubby. The housewives that attended were, Wiggy, WuWu (Lisa), Cynthia, and Kandi. Captain Hook, just gave her hater commentary. Kandi introduced me to a new word. Boucheghetto. Love it. It was obviously an over the top baby shower. No tasting the baby food, no wrapping the new mommy in toliet paper to guess how big  she is (she big...). It was just...wrong.


Cynthia-"GOB"
GOB means "Grey Old Balls". I call her that because that is what she sees on, at least, a daily basis. GOB's boyfriend is the one with the grey old balls, but I couldn't find a better nickname for GOB. Her nickname is definitely subject to change. 


I actually like GOB. She hasn't shown her crazy yet, so I can't really say much. GOB and her BF rode with Big Country and Dwight to an Equestrian event, where they got to wear big hats again. Big Country offends GOB's BF because Big Country claims she wants a "clean man", meaning, a man with no children. Now, a man with a prison record, that's another category. GOB's BF apparently has a mess of kids, therefore making him unclean. 


That's all I got.


Kandi-"Xscape"
Kandi is Xscape for her 90 R&B group. It was either that, or Just Kickin' It, but that shit is too long to write. So, it's Xscape.


I like Xscape, too. I fear that she is too nice, allowing Wiggy to take all the credit for "Tardy for the Party". Unacceptable. Xscape wants to go on a mini tour with the talentless Wiggy. WHY?! You could be spending that tour on a reunion of XSCAPE! Wiggy will not appreciate the opportunity, and Xscape will regret the offer. I know your tricks, Bravo.


Xscape was pretty low-key in this eppy. She is working on her new album, and she attended the baby/wedding shower. That was about it.






So, I'm done, and hot damn, that was a long recap. My next one shouldn't be too long, as I won't have to explain all of my nicknames for the housewives. 


Leave a comment! What are your nicknames for the "ladies"?

Facebook is the new Myspace...

 

Or at least that’s how I feel. Facebook has become sooooo BORING. Is it my friends? Is it me? I am shamefully going to admit that there was a time in my Facebook life that I couldn’t get out of bed without checking my iPhone to see what the latest, or earliest, post was. And you know what? My friends never failed me. I have found out the most intimate detail of “friends” that in real life they would never divulge. I’ve know their workout schedule, where their kids go to school, their relationship status, their blood type…There is nothing on Facebook that adults without shame will post. We post our vacation photos, our kids doing things that only we think is cute, bible quotes, and anything we can to make our friends envious of our life.

But does it work? Do I think that my friends really care about my daughter’s volcano project? Or do I just want cyber validation? I don’t know, but I do know that it’s getting old to me. I find myself mumbling under my breathe that I really don’t give a damn about your workout, your kids’ sports schedule, your date night, your upcoming vacation, or that you’re “In a relationship, but it’s complicated”. So, on that note, I feel it’s time to gradually move on from Facebook. I’m too nosy to just shut it down completely, but I feel the circle of social networking life has happened for Facebook, as it did for Myspace. I will soon get that dirty feeling after logging on, and clicking “like” on someone’s mudane post.

So, I welcome myself back to blogging. A place where I don’t have a character limits on my post, and ridiculous apps that clog up a “news feed". And it's only be 7 months since my last blog post! Holla!

I put make-up on today...

This is huge. For those who don't know, I'm super lucky to be able to work from home. I must admit, it is hard to walk in my office in the morning, knowing that I could easily flop my big ass on the couch, and not do a damn thing. Back to my accomplishment. So, on a normal day, after catching another hour of sleep after the kiddos leave, I roll out of bed, brush my teeth, and start checking my email. From there, it's work, lunch, pick up the kids, blah, blah, blah. In that day, I am most likely in my pjs. All day. Which must tell you, that I don't put on make-up during that day. I mean what's the point? I luckily don't have to get out of the car when I pick up Addison, since the teachers deliver my child to me and put her in the car. But, with Tatum Tot, I have to get out, and be seen. So, on a normal day, pjs, no make-up, all day. All my laundry is pajamas. Depressing, much?

But, not today. I decided, to do the full shabang this morning. I just bought some new make-up, Glo Minerals, that compliments my new mineral make-up I got in Vegas a couple of weeks ago, Belle Pierre. It gives my skin the warmest color, something that I've been trying to achieve with Bare Minerals Matte, for months. The Bare Minerals Matte was getting expensive because I had to buy two different colors to get a somewhat workable color. So, I'm super happy about finding some colors that match without becoming a mad scientist in the process!

I guess me putting on make-up was a slap in the face. I realized that I've really let my day-to-day self... go.  I'm sure it makes Dereck super excited to come home and see his wife in the same clothes he saw her in when we went to bed. "Hey, honey! It really gets me going to see you in that NY Yankees tee shirt two days in row! Is that toothpaste on your shirt? Hot!" Poor, D. I haven't been to a doctor, but I'm pretty sure I'm in a bit of a depression. I LOVE to workout. In the last couple of months, I could give a rat's ass about any gym, run, weights, or class. Absolutely no motivation. I am actively trying to change this, without the aid of anitdepressents. Also, going to start P90X to shake up my workout, to make sure I wake up my body from this slump! That's another blog day. I'll definitely be talking about that phase! Holla!!

S

Procrastination.

It should be my middle name. I have the uncanny ability to put the most simple task off until the very last minute.

My first born, Addison, will be turning 7 on March 13. Today is March 1st. I haven't made an invite, ordered a cake, nothing, nada. Hell, just last night, Addison agreed on the party venue! She wanted to do Chuck E. Cheese, again. I vetoed that idea, immediately. Why? Here's a rundown:

1) CEC is expensive. I won't put on here exactly what I paid, but let's just say I could have bought a nice pair of Jimmy Choo's once all was said and done.

2) CEC is CRAZY on Saturdays. Kids running around, games ringing in your ears, kids splayed out in random places pouring over tickets, and kids at the prize counter=Mommy taking more than the recommended dose of Xanax.

3) CEC is not where Kids play, and Mom's relax. False advertising. CEC is a place where moms to hand out tokens, take children that don't belong to you to the bathroom (and don't forget, you could be wiping an ass that is not your child), and all in all, doing what the paid hostess should be doing. So, HELL TO THA NAWL, we are not having a party at Chuck Elwood Cheese's spot.

So, I made a parental decision. There are some situations that you have give options, and not infinite choices. I gave Addison the 2 options of a Bowling Party or a Malco Movie Party. She decided on the Movie Party. Yes!!! So much easier for Mommy to plan! I said she can invite 10 kids. She picked a couple kiddos from the hood, and the rest of the kids from her Montessori School. Here's the kicker. Actually a couple of kickers. On the 13th, our school is having a fundraiser that night, The Art Experience. Cocktails and fake conversation, should be fun, BUT, that may make it hard for some of her school friends to make it to the movies. I planned the party for as early as possible, but just never know. Also, some of the parents of Montessori students aren't privy to TV. Not sure on movies, but I would be heartbroken for Addison if she didn't get the friends she wants for her party.

So, I'm hoping for the best. Dereck, Tatum, and I will make Addison's day the best ever, with or without her friends, but all in all, I just want to make my kiddo happy! I have 10 days to finalize this, can I do it?!

Hello!

I'm going to attempt to blog again. It didn't go so well for me the last time. I pretty much made the blog, decorated it, made two posts, and never checked the damn thing again. I also think the problem I had with the last blog was that I was trying to do one of those cheesy "family blogs". Don't get me wrong, I do some cheesy shit, and I LOVE to talk about my super cute family, but I think the family blog, for me, was over the top... lame. Way too may exclamation points, and feigning the fake implication that happy parenting is trips to the zoo, hiking, and crafts.

In relation to this blog, it really will be rambling. I normally ramble on Facebook, but the status update only gives you space for 420 "characters", which makes me have to cut down on my rambling. Me no likey, hence, the new blog. Also, sometimes, a sista just need to vent. I can't promise my vents will be PG-13, most likely, they'll be R rated, but we're all adults, here, right?

Friendly warning: I like to curse. I only use dirty words when I feel it gives the story a little sumthin', and in all honesty, my internal dialogue is overflowing with dirty words. It is a constant struggle to not curse in inappropriate situations.

So, I hope that I can keep my blog up, I really do. Fingers crossed!

Update: This is the 3rd, count em', 3rd blog software I've tried in the last 3 days. Blogspot just seems more user friendly, so here we are! Holla!